


Longing

by AnnaMouse



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Family, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-08
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-05 00:51:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaMouse/pseuds/AnnaMouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelly Chambers finds love, and loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This work is intended as a follow-on to "Transitions". Recommend that you read that work first.
> 
> This work is intended for amusement without gain and is, therefore, fair use. Gratitude to Bioware/EA for a universe that is so fun to play around in.
> 
> This is dedicated to all those who've loved and lost someone important to them.

Prologue:

 

Kelly Chambers was having a wonderful time.

The weeks leading up to the wedding, though, had been a bit tense.  Victoria was obviously hurting badly; a couple of weeks of counseling were not going to fix that.  She was, however, functional, and smiling.  _She’ll be okay_ , Kelly thought to herself as she watched Victoria and Liara welcome guests before the ceremony.  _They’re so in love,_ she thought with a minor pang of jealousy. _You never really had a shot Kelly-bear._

Things weren’t set to kick off for another hour or so, so after she had greeted the guests, Victoria gathered her old crew from the _Normandy_ together and spoke, “Thank you for coming.  You don’t know how much it means to me to be able to share this with you.”  She beamed at them, she sounded almost giddy.  _She’ll be ok,_ Kelly was sure now. 

Victoria looked amazing in her uniform.  In fact, they all did.  Brevet Ensign Kelly Chambers, _sooner or later they’ll give me that real commission,_ looked down at herself.  Her ‘salad bar’ wasn’t nearly as extensive as Victoria’s despite being a nominal war hero herself, or anyone else’s for that matter, but she didn’t care about that sort of thing.  _Still, it was nice of Victoria to ask everyone to leave their medals at home.  We might have all fallen over,_ she thought with a smirk. 

Truly, she was just happy and honored that she could have done her part and served with such friends as these.  She choked back raw emotion; she had grown to care about these friends, to _love_ them, so much.  _Dear lord, please don’t let me start reciting the St. Crispin’s Day speech,_ she thought to herself. 

She evaluated herself again; _I do look pretty hot in uniform, especially with the old school skirt._   She smiled.  _I wonder if Liara has any bridesmaids._   Her thoughts trailed off, Shepard was talking again.

“I’d like to get a picture with all of you before things start,” she smiled at them.  They all lined up carefully, lest they jostle Joker too badly.  Kelly locked her eyes on the hovering holo-imager.  She turned her smile up to full intensity, held her chin high, and pushed out her perky breasts ever so slightly.  The small device beeped softly and snapped the picture.  They all relaxed somewhat. 

Then, something amazing happened.

Kelly’s eyes tracked in on movement behind the hovering camera.  A face moved out from eclipse behind the appliance.  Her jaw dropped.  _Holy shit, she’s beautiful._   A pale faced Asari Matriarch, _she must be a Matriarch,_ observed the naval officers from beside the camera.  She locked stares with Kelly and smiled.  Kelly’s heart literally leaped within her chest, her breathing sped, her pupils dilated.  She tingled.

“That’s Aethyta,” Shepard materialized at her side, “She’s Liara’s _father_.”

Kelly turned to look at Victoria.

Victoria reached up and gently pushed Kelly’s jaw closed.  “I can introduce you if you like,” she winked.

Kelly could only manage a nod.  _Screw bridesmaids._


	2. Loving

Loving:

 

Kelly’s eyes wouldn’t focus.  Her heart pounded, she breathed deeply, she was remotely aware of her left hand feeling slick.  She was wet herself.  She felt; vital, amazing, _sated_.  Kelly blinked hard, her vision cleared, _there we go._  

She looked around, tried to take stock.  She was in her room in Liara’s guest house, _her mother certainly had a lot of money_ , she was on her bed, she was completely naked, and she wasn’t alone.  She looked at the supine nude form of Matriarch Aethyta, she smiled back.  “Hey babe, welcome back.”

It all came back in a flood.  Kelly remembered Shepard introducing her to the Matriarch after the ceremony.  She remembered her asking for a dance.  She remembered feeling weak in the knees in Aethyta’s arms.  She remembered trying to build the courage to ask the Matriarch back to her room.  She remembered Aethyta beating her to it.  A peck on the cheek, and the Matriarch had taken her to bed.

 _Oh my god!  I slept with an Asari Matriarch!_  She thought with glee, _this is amazing!_   Aethyta seemed to read her mind, “I always wanted to nail a bridesmaid.”  She winked, let out a throaty sensual laugh, and looked her over.  Her eyes lingered at her breasts, and then Aethyta matched gazes, “You seem lost in thought.”

She was.  She definitely was.  Kelly remembered what had happened after they got back to her room.  The Matriarch had literally torn her uniform off, _she was so aggressive,_ and then they joined.  _That was incredible._   She remembered experiencing Aethyta’s thoughts, her feelings, _and_ her desires.  She remembered establishing an emotional connection so deep she didn’t know it was possible, it was as if she had experienced a lifetime’s worth of emotion in a few moments.  _It happened so fast!_   She remembered climaxing, _how many times was it?_   She couldn’t keep count, it seemed she had one long continuous orgasm, her body wouldn’t stop twitching.  _It was amazing._

She remembered feeling the Matriarch climax through the bond.  An Asari Matriarch was one of the most powerful beings in the known galaxy; the very idea that she could pleasure one like that had pushed her over the edge, she had blacked out in ecstasy.  Then she came to, here.

The Matriarch recognized Kelly’s confusion, “Don’t worry, it takes a little while.”  She smiled.  Aethyta could also be so gentle when she wanted to be.  Kelly came to a startling realization; _I think I’m in love._   She shook her head.  She was a psychologist; she knew _love at first sight_ didn’t exit.  Lust _at first sight_ , certainly, _but not_ love.  “You’re trying to convince yourself that you’re not in love, right?”

Kelly’s jaw dropped.  _No fucking way._  

The Matriarch smiled and stretched.  “It’s difficult to be deceptive during the bond.”  She winked.

The last few moments of the bond fell into place in Kelly’s mind.  Her eyes went wide in realization, “I’ve fallen in love with you Matriarch Aethyta,” she paused, “and you’ve fallen in love with me right back.”  In one quick fluid motion Kelly laid herself upon the Matriarch.  She wrapped her arms around Aethyta’s back and kissed her.  Opening her eyes she met the Matriarch’s gaze for a moment.  The attraction was palpable, she was sure.  It was as if she had found something she had been searching her whole life for, without even knowing she was looking.  The Matriarch winked, and kissed her back.

Neither of them slept that night.

*****

“Hey babe, welcome back.  Can I get you anything?  Sorry, no sex; just cleaned the bar.”

“We both know that’s not true.”  Kelly Chambers looked over the bar at her lover and winked.  Aethyta favored her with a warm smile, her heart fluttered.  Kelly had been visiting the Matriarch at her bar on Illium every few weeks since the wedding.  _Has it been nine months already?_

The Lighter service running between Thessia and Illium let her ride for free.  They said it was in thanks for her service on _SSV Normandy_.  She wondered if Aethyta might have had something to do with that.Her fears that the connection they had forged in the guest house that glorious night was nothing more than a simple wedding _hook-up_ were proving more and more baseless with each visit.  She was in love, utterly.

The Matriarch reciprocated.  Through the bond she was sure Aethyta felt the same way.  _It certainly takes the guesswork out of dating._ There had been no _awkward_ phase of getting to know each other, it just all happened at once.  All their secrets were laid bare the first night.  _The things she’s done and seen,_ Kelly marveled.  _I must be the luckiest woman in the universe,_ thought Kelly, _how did I ever land a Matriarch?  Screw that, how did I ever win Aethyta?_   Kelly wasn’t spiritual, or superstitious, _but this has to be fate!_  

Aethyta visited her on Thessia at least once a month.  They’d decided to spare the rest of the consulate staff at the Bachelor Officers’ Quarters and rendezvoused at Liara’s guest house.  Liara had insisted at first, but was becoming a bit bothered by their loud lovemaking.  Apparently her progressing pregnancy made it difficult for her to fall asleep without total silence.  They weren’t helping.

Their meetings weren’t _just_ opportunities for wild and often imaginative intimate encounters.  There was an undercurrent they were both aware of in the bond.  They were feeling each other out, seeing if they were really permanent bond material.  Now it was just a matter of who _blinked first._

Aethyta looked at her.  She smiled.  Kelly’s knees felt week.  Then the Matriarch’s facial expression changed, it became _expectant.  This is it!_   Kelly tried to remember that N7 phrase Shepard always used.  _Ah!  Improvise!  Adapt!  Overcome!_     Kelly took a deep breath.  Aethyta smiled knowingly.

“Matriarch Aethyta!” Kelly shouted.  All eyes in the bar were now focused on her, she could _feel_ it.  Surprised at the loudness of her voice she pressed on, “Be my wife.”

Aethyta smiled.  Then, in a biotic flash, they were both on the bar.  Aethyta straddled her.  Patrons dove for cover.  _Just cleaned the bar?  Who cares?_

*****

Kelly’s wedding was decidedly more subdued than Shepard’s, but no less joyous.  The guest list was much smaller.  Less than 30 people came, the intimacy made the ceremony more memorable.  Surprisingly, half a dozen Matriarchs made an appearance.  The rift between Aethyta and her people still existed, but it had narrowed substantially since the end of the war.

Kelly stood with her bride for a photograph.  Shepard stood to her right, resplendent in uniform at her request.  _Still, they’d decided to leave the medals at home again._   To Aethyta’s left stood her daughter, Liara.  Aethyta actually wore the same wedding dress as Liara did nearly a year ago.  Liara looked beautiful in a simple gown of her own.  Her first daughter was due _imminently_ , she glowed.

The ceremony was held in the traditional Asari way.  All the guests had placed their hands on the couple, blessing the union.  Sharing and imparting their own love through touch.  They were wed.  The reception was enjoyable.  Shepard literally waltzed circles around her pregnant wife. 

The only thing that could have come close to being called a hitch was a terrifying, yet poignant, letter Kelly had received just before the ceremony. 

 _If you break her heart, I’ll end you. – Aria_  

Aethyta had nearly fallen over laughing.

That night, after the guests had left, Kelly and her wife retired to the guest house.  They joined for several glorious hours and spent the evening in each other’s arms.  Sometime around two in the morning they heard a shout from the main house.  Liara had started her labor.

“Today was a really good day,” said Kelly.

“Yeah, babe,” responded the Matriarch, “it really was.”


	3. Longing

Longing:

 

It was dinner night at the T’soni residence.  Despite the frustration of not being able to immediately tear the Matriarch’s clothes off, Kelly was enjoying herself.  The Matriarch had fallen into the habit of spending every third or fourth weekend on Thessia with her.  In turn, she would spend her free weekends on Illium.  When they both were in town, Liara had given them free use of the guest house.  Her one imposition on their relationship was that they come up for air at least long enough to have dinner together.  They were a _pseudo_ -family after all.  Kelly wondered if Liara was a bit exasperated that she and the Matriarch still acted like newlyweds, five years on.

They had put Samara to bed and were enjoying some ice brandy that Kelly had brought from Serrice.  Kelly had a mild buzz going.  Aethyta was telling stories from her youth; being a thousand years old, she had a lot of material to work from.

“So you knew Aria T’loak when she was first getting started on Omega?” asked Victoria, “Was she as bat-shit crazy back then as she is now?”  She looked at her wife, “I’m still surprised you invited her to the wedding.”  Liara playfully stuck her tongue out at her beloved.

“Come now, Shepard,” responded Aethyta in mock condescension, “You know she’s not crazy.  Brutal, yes.  Sadistic, yes.  But not _crazy_.”  Shepard leaned back in her chair and cocked an eyebrow; she obviously didn’t believe the Matriarch.  “She’s also a holy terror in the sack.”

That got everyone’s attention.  Shepard’s eyes went wide and Liara nearly gagged on her brandy.  The Matriarch almost fell out of her seat laughing as her daughter dabbed the liquid escaping from her nose.  “Still, she certainly liked to cuddle afterwards.  It was adorable.”

Recovering, Liara said, “Somehow I have difficulty picturing Aria T’loak cuddling.”

“You think that’s hard?” the Matriarch responded, “You should have seen her ten and a half months pregnant.”

The conversation came to a screeching halt.  Kelly could have sworn she heard crickets chirping outside.  Liara stared, slack jawed, at her _father_ for a full thirty seconds.  “Are you telling me that I have a half-sister by Aria T’loak?”

The Matriarch sighed and took a long pull on her brandy, “No, Liara.  No you don’t.”  She shook her head and closed her eyes. 

Kelly noticed Aethyta’s marked change in demeanor; she’d seen Shepard do that.  _I suppose you can’t live a thousand years without building up some heartache._   She leaned over and took the Matriarch’s hand in hers.  She kissed it and gently rubbed the calluses; tending bar was hard on the hands.  “So, anyone else interesting we know that you’ve _met_ over the years?”

The Matriarch smiled and favored Kelly with a peck on the cheek, “I love you babe,” she whispered.  “Well, the Consort Sha’ira is an interesting character.”  She paused, then grinned, “Also likes to cuddle afterwards.  Am I right Victoria?”

All eyes darted to Shepard.  _Where are those crickets when you need them?_ thought Kelly.  Shepard’s eyes flicked between the Matriarch, who was looking at her with a devious grin, and her wife who was staring at her in what looked to be horror mixed with surprise.  _How is she going to talk herself out of this one?_ wondered Kelly.  _Aethyta certainly likes messing with Victoria._   Kelly had long since come to grips with the Matriarch’s millennium-long list of former lovers.  She was no longer jealous in the least, not that she was very prudish to begin with.  _Liara, however._   Shepard’s jaw dropped, “Uhh,” she was at a loss for words.  _Holy crap, I’ve never seen Shepard tongue tied before,_ thought Kelly.

“Peace, Little Wing,” Aethyta said comfortingly.  “You hadn’t even met yet.  Besides, my dear _son_ -in-law here,” Aethyta motioned to Shepard, “only has eyes for you.”  The Matriarch smiled, “And besides, I bet Victoria’s one and only shore leave experience on Elysium was _way_ wilder than the Consort ever was.”  She winked, and the potentially tense moment was all but defused.  The brandy helped, Shepard took care of the rest.  She leaned over to her wife, gently brushed her face with her hand, and kissed her.  Then she whispered something Kelly couldn’t make out.  Liara smiled and blushed.

Kelly seized the initiative.  “I think I’m going to take the Matriarch away now, before she starts on about nailing Councilor Tevos or a Salarian Dalatrass.”  She paused, “You haven’t slept with them have you?”

The Matriarch winked.

*****

Kelly Chambers nuzzled against the Matriarch’s breasts tenderly.  “I bet I cuddle better than Aria T’loak ever did.”

Aethyta let out a throaty laugh.  “You do a lot of things better than Aria, babe.”

They laid in their bed, holding each other, in Liara’s guest house.  Bedding and discarded clothing littered the floor.  Clothes also littered the stone path from the main house.  Kelly had had the Matriarch all but undressed during the walk from the main estate.  _We really do still act like newlyweds don’t we?_ thought Kelly _._   _This is heaven.  I love it when Aethyta is in town._   She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, a gentle moan passed her lips.  Kelly never felt as alive as she did after joining with Aethyta.  “Love?  How many daughters do you have?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Curious.”

“I have less now than I used to,” she said.  Aethyta sounded wistful, “I love or loved each of them.  Unfortunately, except for Liara, we’ve all grown apart.  I only have one granddaughter, though.”  The Matriarch rolled to face Kelly.  She reached up and gently stroked one of her eyebrows.  The Asari didn’t have eyebrows, and Kelly knew through the bond that Aethyta liked fiddling with hers.  She thought it a bit odd, but loved the physical contact.  _Any physical contact really_.  “This where you ask me if I’ll have a baby with you?”

“Yes, love.  Will you have a baby with me?”

Aethyta sighed and kissed her bond-mate on the forehead.  “You know the answer Kelly.”

Kelly sighed, she did, but it helped her to talk about it.  “You’re not too old.  Matriarchs have daughters all the time.  Benezia was a Matriarch when she delivered Liara.”

“Benezia was barely 800 when Liara was born, I’m almost 1,100.  A pregnancy might very well kill me.”  She kissed Kelly on the lips.  “You’re in the unenviable situation of being married to an Asari who probably won’t outlive you.”  She kissed her again, “It’s actually a situation that my people find rather upsetting.”

“I wouldn’t change that for the world.”  Kelly tightened her embrace.  “But we’d be great parents.”

“No doubt about that.”  Aethyta looked into Kelly’s eyes, “Alas, if I were a few hundred years younger.”  Aethyta ran her hand along the inside of Kelly’s thigh, _this always gets her mind off of things._   Kelly hummed in pleasure, closed her eyes, and smiled.

Kelly knew she was being deflected.  Kelly knew she wanted a baby, and she knew that she wanted to raise her with Aethyta.  She knew they’d be great parents, _a damn sight better than Aria could have been._   But, all that aside, Kelly also knew that probably couldn’t ever come to pass.

As she had to once every two or three months, Kelly convinced herself that she was happy with the life she had made for herself and that she didn’t need to raise a family to complete it.  _Besides, Samara is almost like a daughter anyway._   Also, as usual, she realized how much she loved the Matriarch despite the fact that her time with her might be fleeting.  Her marriage was happy, if a bit long-distance.  _Separation endears the soul._ Kelly had been surprised to learn the Asari had an almost identical expression.

With a quick motion Kelly embraced the Matriarch and rolled atop of her.  She gently parted her mate’s legs with her own and rubbed Aethyta’s smooth flesh with her thigh and knee.  The Matriarch arched her back involuntarily in pleasure.

“Babe?”

“Yes Kelly?”

“I love you.”

Kelly resolved to _embrace the time we have together._


	4. Loss

Loss:

 

“They can’t know Victoria,” said the Matriarch quietly, “Neither of them can ever know.”

Matriarch Aethyta had taken ill the day before.  A medical sister from the University Hospital in Serrice had just paid her a visit in her daughter’s guest house.  Oddly enough, Kelly had been off world when the Matriarch arrived; she was on Arcturus Station fulfilling a reservist obligation.  She had applied for emergency family leave when word of the Matriarch’s illness had reached her, and was currently in transit to Thessia.

In the meantime, however, Shepard was the only one Aethyta would speak with.  Liara hovered outside, Samara fidgeted on the porch; Asari rarely took ill, they were worried.  “I’m pregnant,” she said.  _No shit._  

 “I thought Asari needed to consciously choose to conceive.  You don’t have _accidents_.”

“No, we don’t.”

“I also thought that, while Matriarchs can and do bear children, a pregnancy would be dangerous for a woman of your age.”

“Someone has a big mouth.”  The Matriarch smiled, then she sighed, “That’s not a fact that the Republics like to advertise, please don’t spread that around.”

“Of course not Aethyta,” said Victoria, “and don’t blame Kelly for blabbing.  Secrets flow both ways between us, as I’m sure you know.”  Victoria let that comment hang there for a moment, Aethyta found amusement in causing trouble between her and Liara with tales of her pre-Liara _exploits_.  It seemed like Kelly had trouble keeping _everything_ in confidence. 

Aethyta merely winked in response.

“Can’t you abort?”

“Yes, that’ll improve my chances somewhat.  The medical sister is going to get some medication for that right now.”

“What’s the prognosis?”

“Slim to none, either way.”

“Fuck.”

“That’s how I got here, yes.”  Despite being on her deathbed, Aethyta still had her sense of humor.  Shepard couldn’t help but chuckle.  The Matriarch sighed again.  She looked even more pale that usual.

“So what happens now?”

“If my hormone levels stabilize, I’ll recover over the next week or so.”

“If they don’t?”

“Then I’ll be gone just as fast.”

Shepard closed her eyes.  Tears began seeping through despite her efforts to remain calm.  She had come to love her _father_ -in-law quite a bit; the idea of losing her wasn’t something she could process easily on such short notice.  The knowledge of what her passing would do to the rest of her family, especially Kelly, saddened her further.  _More loved ones lost.  Why is the universe so intent on visiting unhappiness on us?_  

“Why do it?”

“Victoria, I think you know the answer.”

She did.  She never wanted kids herself, but being with Liara had changed that.  Apparently the Matriarch had experienced something similar with Kelly.  She loved her so much she was willing to risk it.  _Love hurts, them’s the breaks._   Shepard began the act of hardening her heart to the pending loss; the process of distancing herself emotionally from events, a tactic she had learned in the aftermath of the Battle for Elysium, had begun.  _I don’t know if Kelly can handle this._

“I don’t know if Kelly can handle this.”

“I know she can’t,” said the Matriarch, “That’s why she can’t know.  She’d only blame herself.  She wanted this so badly.”  She sighed again, “I’m old, Shepard.  I’ve lived longer than most Asari ever do.  This is my time.  That’s what we’ll say.  The medical sisters will keep the secret, will you?”

Shepard spoke mechanically, her face was slack, the transition was almost complete, “Of course, _dad_ , of course I will.”

*****

 _I want to die!  I don’t want to go on!  You were my whole world Aethyta, I miss you!_   These thoughts kept circling through Kelly Chamber’s mind.  She cried out, the despair was so great.  It seemed the sheer volume of emotion was overpowering the sedatives she’d been given.  She had been given a lot.

Kelly had probably broken some interstellar speed records returning to Thessia when she received word her wife was ill.  Though _she_ preferred the traditional phrase ‘bond-mate’.  She knew through conversations with Aethyta and Liara that Asari very rarely fell ill, and when they did it was usually serious. 

“I’m dying,” Aethyta had said.  Kelly’s world came to a screeching halt.  That was just under a week ago.  It happened so fast.  They’d spent nearly a day in the bond, sharing thoughts and feelings.  Aethyta kept assuring her that she loved her, and that she felt fulfilled in her life.  She pleaded with her not to be sad, that the last twenty years with her had been the happiest in her exceptionally long life, and that she should take joy in that.  _She had embraced the time they had together._ Kelly couldn’t help but feel that those words were hollow, the grief was so great. 

She looked towards Aethyta’s grave.  Nearly a hundred Matriarchs stood around it arrayed in concentric rings of increasing diameter.  They held hands.  They were singing.  A small group of younger Asari and human mourners observed at a respectful distance.  One cloak-wearing Asari stood further aloof; Shepard would later swear that she was a disguised Aria T’loak.

Kelly wasn’t exactly fluent in Asari-standard, but she recognized the song as a traditional litany for the dead in the tradition of the faith of the Goddess Athame.  Neither Kelly nor the late Matriarch was particularly religions; in fact, Aethyta leaned more towards the pan-theistic wheel of life philosophy of Asari culture, but tradition was tradition.

The Matriarchs stepped to the side, each ring moving in the opposite direction, in time with the song.  The ritual dance symbolized continuity of spirit in life and death, from mother to daughter; a world without end.

_Our Goddess, keep our departed sister who was loved and honored in this life._

_Beloved Mother, watch over your daughter and her daughters so they not want or fear._

_Departed Matriarch, we share your wisdom with our daughters; the circle remains unbroken._

With the conclusion of the song the side-stepping ceased.  The Matriarchs converged on the grave placing their hands on the backs of the women in front of them.  They bowed their heads, stood silently for a moment, and then clapped their hands once in unison.  The prayer for the dead was over; the grieving and healing could begin.

Shepard wiped a tear from her eye; she didn’t know a funeral could be so beautiful.  Liara and Samara held each other; they wept for lost family but comforted themselves that the Matriarch lived a full life and continued to live within them.  Kelly shuddered with uncontrollable sobbing.

*****

“Don’t give me that shit Liara, I want this!”

Liara looked into the eyes of a woman she barely knew.  Kelly Chambers, as she was before the death of the Matriarch Aethyta, no longer existed.  This woman was someone else; aggressive, angry, cold. 

She had resigned from the Alliance Navy Reserves.  She barely spoke with Shepard anymore, and she completely avoided Samara.  Shepard was mature enough to understand it wasn’t personal, Samara wasn’t.  Victoria had tried to comfort their daughter; she was convinced that Kelly still loved her.  It was just that Kelly had wanted a family of her own with the Matriarch, and that could never happen now.  Samara was a reminder of the daughter she would never have.  It wasn’t personal, she’d come around.  Samara tried to accept that, but she was still upset.

Liara tried to be angry at Kelly for upsetting her daughter, but she couldn’t.  The loss of her _father_ still weighed heavily on her.  Seeing her best friend upset hurt her as well.  Kelly was looking for something to occupy her time, to distract herself from the pain, _or so she said_.  She couldn’t bring herself to stand in the way of that.

“Very well Kelly.  You can become an operative for the Shadow Broker.  I’ll have Veron train you up and start you on some assignments.”

Kelly looked relieved.

Liara couldn’t decide if she should be relieved as well.


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue:

 

“Fuck you douchebag!  You said 200,000.  You’re not getting a half million.”  Kelly wasn’t interested in this man’s bullshit.  This operation already reeked of trouble, demanding more money on-site was just insulting.

“Listen bitch,” the man wearing the blue jacket snarled, “do you want this information or not?”  He looked her up and down, “Of course, if you don’t have the credits, I think we can come to some other arrangement.”

“You’re _so_ not my type.”

“Is this more your type?”  He raised his blue jacked to reveal a hip holster and pistol.  Kelly smirked, and then she looked at the man’s face.  She couldn’t see the infrared laser dot, but she knew it was there.  She smiled.  She imagined what this man looked like through Shepard’s rifle scope.

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”  Kelly reflected on her situation.  She didn’t care.  She never cared, not since the death of her wife.  Without her love she was adrift, alone in this world.  She didn’t want to go on, but she couldn’t bring herself to end it.  Kelly had taken to accepting more and more dangerous assignments as an agent of the Shadow Broker.  As a trained psychologist she knew exactly what was happening to her, and she didn’t care.

 _Do it!  Kill me!  End this.  Send me back to my love!  I don’t want to play anymore._   She narrowed her gaze.  Her love was gone, and the family she wanted gone with her.  _She didn’t care!_

Then, something unexpected happened.

She heard footsteps.  Kelly detected movement coming from Shepard’s direction.  “Have you faced an Asari commando unit before?”  _What the fuck?_   A young Asari came into view.  Kelly’s jaw dropped.  She wore light armor and sported a gold gorget about her neck.  _Samara!_    The man in the blue jacket placed his hand on the butt of his pistol.

 _No!  No no no!_   Time seemed to stretch.  Kelly’s exercise in self-pity ended in the sudden realization that Samara _was_ the daughter that she would never have.  That Shepard, Liara, and her were the _family_ she pined for.  Samara was _her_ baby, and she was in danger!  _How could I have been so dumb?  I’ve been such an idiot_ , she thought.  Kelly’s entire world-view since her wife’s death shifted, a full 180.  Kelly wanted to live, she _needed_ Samara to live, the metanoia was complete.  If she and Samara weren’t in mortal danger, Kelly might have taken a moment to appreciate her emotional turnaround.  _Now is not the time for that._

Subtly, trying not to arouse suspicion, Kelly inched away from the blind alley where she and Shepard had planted directional mines.  The claymores would shred anyone who might approach from that direction, but if she was in the blow-back zone she could be just as dead.  _Just a few more meters_ , Kelly thought.  _Stay back Samara, just stay away._

No such luck.  Samara continued her approach.  She stopped.  Samara was now within the blow-back zone.  “Few humans have.”  _Fuck!_

The man in the blue jacket un-holstered his pistol.  Kelly felt the transit of the bullet less than a meter from her face.  Its passage was announced by a _snap_ , the miniature sonic boom coming off the projectile moving at over 1,000 meters per second.  The results were spectacular.  The projectile entered through the man’s nose and exited though the back of the skull taking most of it along for the ride.  The man’s body crumpled to the ground.  The report echoed off the walls of the alley, silence, then a wet thud of the skull fragments landing on the alley floor.

Samara looked at the man’s body, eyes wide, mouth open.  She’d never seen a man die.  She was about to see several.  Kelly detected movement in the blind alley.  They were coming.  She didn’t know who, or how many, but they meant her ill.  They would kill Samara, the closest thing she had, or ever would have, to a daughter in this world.  _No you fucking won’t!_

Time continued to drag as Kelly sprinted towards Samara.  Samara looked her in the eyes, shocked and terrified.  Kelly slapped her hard on the shoulder, pushing her clear of the alley and towards Shepard.  She was aware of more movement on the loading apron, but her mind was intent on getting Samara clear of the claymores.  She pushed her again, bared her teeth, and snarled, “Move Sam!  Move!”

Kelly heard the _snap snap snap_ of more rifle rounds piecing the air above her head.  Shepard was doing her work, _her terrible work,_ defending her and _their_ daughter.  _Oh god!  I’m been so stupid!_   _I’ve been a fucking idiot and I’m going to get Sam killed!_   Kelly reached up to her collar and shouted the detonate command into the transmitter, “Tora tora tora!”

It was as if someone had kicked her in the hip.  Kelly’s whole left side felt aflame, her left ear rung loudly.  Sand and fragments from the exploding directional mines had shredded her clothing and the flesh beneath it, the ballistic weave singlet she wore hadn’t helped worth a damn.  “Move Sam!”

Kelly understood now, she had always had the life she wanted.  She didn’t need a daughter of her own to be complete.  She missed the Matriarch dearly, but she would overcome the grief.  Aethyta would always be a part of her.  Indeed, a piece of Aethyta lived on in her granddaughter Samara.  _I cannot believe I’ve behaved so stupidly, it’s almost textbook_ , the psychologist part of her said.

 _Everything will be ok; I just need to get Samara clear!_   Kelly detected motion in her peripheral vision.  She felt a _shove_ , then nothing.


End file.
